Stacy Stranick
Stacy Stranick was killed by a distracted driver on April 21st, 2018.
Her son, Sean feels bad for the person who killed his mom because just one moment of not paying attention ended his mom’s life and the driver now lives with that forever.
Sean Stranick reached out to me a couple of weeks ago to extend his support after he saw my post about Eyes Up Ride on LinkedIn. In his message, Sean mentioned his mom, Stacy Stranick, was killed by a distracted driver while she was riding her bike four years ago.
Sean was a classmate of mine at Kenyon College. We both graduated in 2017 and while I didn’t know Sean very well at Kenyon, I remember every interaction I had with him was positive and made me feel good. His presence and demeanor radiate warmth and positivity and I was reminded of this as we spoke for the first time in five years since graduation. I am so grateful Sean reached out. Keep reading for some notes from our conversation.
While growing up in the southern suburbs of Charlotte, North Carolina, Sean had an active childhood and was recruited to play football at Kenyon. His family consisted of his two parents, brother, and sister. After Kenyon, Sean spent six months working for Backroads Active Adventure Travel and lived all over the American West helping with their operations. Now, Sean works in cyber security sales in Austin, Texas and absolutely loves it there. He nearly convinced me to move there while we were on the phone.
Stacy, Sean’s mom was a big reason he grew up in such an active household. Stacy was more active than most and “she would crank 100 mile bike rides, run marathons, [and do] multiple workout classes in a day.” She was loved and well respected by the Charlotte cycling community in particular. When she wasn’t crushing workouts, Stacy managed a UPS store.
On April 21, 2018, Stacy was out for a ride on a route known as the “Booty Loop” in the Myers Park neighborhood of Charlotte when she was killed by a driver who failed to yield right of way as they turned left into the intersection where she was riding. I was unable to find any confirmation as to whether the driver was distracted. We do know that the driver didn’t see Stacy in the intersection. Unfortunately, Charlotte has a poor safety record for cyclists in particular and was rated the 12th deadliest city for cyclists by CarInsurance.org in 2022.
Sean was the second person I spoke to who lost a parent because of an avoidable car crash. Jacy Good was the first. She woke up from a coma three weeks after a distracted driver killed both her parents and seriously injured Jacy. You can read about Jacy here. Sean’s story post-crash is a bit different because he was a flight away in Austin, Texas taking the GMAT exam when it happened.
Stacy had texted Sean the morning of her crash about cookies she had made - Stacy loved making cookies. This was the last text Sean ever got from his mom. Sean left the exam and saw that text from his mom and he had two missed calls, one from his dad and one from his mom. “So I called them both back.” It wasn’t until he called his dad that he found out what happened. Sean said he “felt completely numb.”
For the rest of that day, Sean spent time with friends in Austin. They took a walk around the pond and hung out at a bar. He flew home first thing the next morning. Going home wasn’t easy, but Sean highlighted one of the few bright spots from losing his mom: “all the people that support you, they're always there but you’re not always mindful of it. That was one of the silver linings of the whole thing.”
We talked about what life has been like for the last four years since his mom was killed and the grief process. Sean described the months after Stacy’s death as “numbness then a roller coaster. Grief is such a roller coaster. It was very difficult…I ran from everything for a long time. I didn’t want to feel it. I didn’t fully process it for about three years.”
It took a while for Sean to understand and accept his and his family’s loss and what would keep him going. I asked Sean what got him through the hardest moments. He answered, “I don’t think you have a choice. There is going to be loss and time keeps going. [My] pillars throughout were friends, family, job, and a life purpose. I got really into meditation and yoga.” Sean mentioned that mindfulness helped him get through the grief process – we all can benefit from adding a little bit of time for mindful activities in our everyday life.
I admire Sean’s honesty both with himself and with me about how this time has been - there was no sugar coating or simplifying. Losing his mom was hard and it wasn’t until recently that he felt in a good place mentally and emotionally. These sorts of tragedies are more common than many of us may think and the survivors are left with the choice to either wallow and get stuck in place or lean on support networks, accept what has happened, and keep moving. Sean chose the latter and learned to maintain forward progress.
During our conversation, I was surprised and impressed by Sean’s perspective on distracted driving and how to improve the problem. Rather than feeling angry and blameful, Sean feels bad for the person who killed his mom because just one moment of not paying attention ended his mom’s life and the driver now lives with that forever. Regarding whether drivers involved in crashes that result in a pedestrian or cyclist’s death should be punished or not, Sean is torn because “it’s pure chance. As long as people are behind the wheel, the facts are that this is going to continue to happen.”
As we discussed the longer term solution to distracted driving, Sean and I agreed that awareness is a critical first step. Sean is passionate about autonomous vehicles and believes that “software has the ability to save millions of lives” and recommended the novel “Autonomous” by Annalee Newitz. While I wish we had the robust, reliable mass public transportation infrastructure that many European countries have to reduce or eliminate our dependency on automobile transportation and reduce risk for all users of the road, I do believe self-driving cars will take human error and distraction from the equation of highway safety.
Sean and the rest of the Stranick family live on with Stacy’s memory and impact on her friends and community close at heart. Stacy was the kind of person people loved being around. I asked Sean what he carries from his mom with him in his life now: “People really appreciated how kind she was. I try to think about her. I want her to live in my memory.”
Moving forward and appreciating the silver linings, even if few, is one of the many takeaways from my conversation with Sean. I am grateful to have reconnected with Sean and to have heard him share the story of his mom. Take some time after reading this to take stock of someone you are grateful for, and maybe even let them know. It’s easy to do and well worth it.
Thank you so much to Sean for his time and gentle approach to what has been an incredibly challenging few years for him and his family. Thank you for reading.
I am raising money to fight distracted driving. To help me reach my fundraising goal of $50,000 for TextLess Live More by the end of 2022, visit this link. Thank you for your support!
-Ben Grannis
#EyesUpRide
